crying, laughing, and then some

It finally happened...

The inevitable moment while you are in the faraway and unfamiliar- the first time you just want to go home. The moment when you are sick of being misunderstood and unambiguous, when things happening at home seem to need your attention more then the long endless work you are haphazardly attempting in a foreign land.

Of course I had been expecting this moment to come, but it was frustrating and emotional none the less. Thankfully the next day was independence day, which brought a weekend full of fun distractions including going dancing with friends, buying beautiful baskets and ceramics at the market, laying out at a pool, seeing the President of Uganda at the independence celebration, and attending an incredible outdoor jazz concert at a ritzy resort on Lake Victoria.

After all of the merrymaking, I was finally ready for the reflection my soul was craving. On Sunday I attended Calvary Chapel for the second time. It was started by a young American Pastor, who remains as the Senior Pastor, which is nice because it gives the services a familiar Western feeling. And yet over 90% of the people who attend the church, lead worship, and serve are Ugandans which is so important to me because I think it's dangerous to be part of the exclusive mizungu social circles.

I spent that evening reminding myself of the reasons I am here. It is harder then I expected to spend money while making none, and asking family and friends to support me during a global recession. At this point, if I do not raise $4,000 I will be returning home mid-January, which makes it very hard to plan with longevity. This fact has been like a weight tied around my neck, distracting me from my work and preventing me from feeling anything but stress and frustration in all situations remotely involving money. Thankfully Chelsea and I took our concerns to Russell and Jenny, who I'm convinced are the most incredibly patient, wise, lovely bosses I will every have (and I have had MANY good bosses). They put so much in perspective- reminding us that we are here as faithful servants, who saw an aching injustice in the world and left our homes, our families, and our jobs to offer ourselves fully to the never-ending task of taking care of the orphans, the widows, the dying, and the poor.

I am embarrassed to say that I had forgotten.

I had forgotten the joy of expressing love through service. Forgotten the wonder of seeing new sights everyday as I make the incredibly slow journey to work through the traffic jams. Forgotten the opportunity I have been allowed to stand looking directly into the grotesque face of Death and and to still see the inextinguishable presence of New Life. Forgotten it is my daily work to empower and encourage people towards creating sustainable, holistic methods of freeing themselves from the bondage of poverty.

Ready to change the world today, I hurried to use the bathroom (a pit latrine) before a meeting at work. Apparently I was rushing a bit too much and ended up peeing all over my foot and sandal. Lesson learned: Some days you cry, some days you laugh, and other days you pee on yourself. Life is good.